Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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