put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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