North Korea, Best Korea!
The best revenge is premature balding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
