I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
