3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm bleeding and have questions
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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