just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
