I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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