just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
