God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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