There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this will be a night to untag.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
