connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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