Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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