is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
