I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
