I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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