can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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