Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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