The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
