dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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