Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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