Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
