I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
