I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Did I show you my penis last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
