I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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