and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
