She's JV to your varsity
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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