saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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