It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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