Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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