i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
