When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
