I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
