I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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