Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
