i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
