you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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