i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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