Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just had sex bonerless
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
