I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
