Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
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Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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