I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
