her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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