Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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