omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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