Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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