You made me cry and you don't even care
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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