are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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