Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
