could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
