That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
