I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
