your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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