Dual....:-)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
