i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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