my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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