I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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