I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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