Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
