Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We left the knife in your bed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
