Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
