I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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