I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
