I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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