Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
they need to just BURY HIM!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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