you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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