once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
how drunk are you?
Several
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
