And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
