I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
