Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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