69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
